Friday, December 30, 2005

Fishing Terms Defined

Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.

Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).

Line - Something you give your coworkers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.

Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming that darn line for once again losing the fish.

Angler - An obsessed individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect, a truck whose color can best be described as Rust-Oleum, and a pristine boat that he chamois' down methodically before and after each trip.

Knot - (1) An insecure connection between your hook and fishing line. (2) A permanent tangle on your spinning reel which forces you to go out and buy a bigger, better, much more expensive rig.

Landing Net - A net used to help drag a large wiggling fish, or an inebriated fishing buddy, on board.

Live Bait - The biggest fish you'll handle all day.

Quiet Water - Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.

Skunked fisherman - One who returns to the boat ramp many, many hours after his buddies have gone home so that there are no witnesses to his catch or lack thereor.

Sinker - (1) A weight attached to a lure to get it to the bottom. (2) The nickname of your boat.

Thumb - A temporary hook holder.

Treble Hook - Triples the odds of your catching a fish. Quadruples the odds of your getting the hook caught in your thumb (see above).

Trolling - What you do after you've lost a $500 rod and reel set-up overboard.

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yaniv said...
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